An Interview with Dr Debashis

Recently, Dr Debashis gave a talk on The Art of Relationship at Whatever, a Singapore new age centre. We managed to catch up with Dr Debashis and asked him some questions that we think our readers might be interested in.

What do you think is the problem with regards to relationships today?

I think most relationships these days are becoming like fast food or two minutes' noodles. Most people just want to consume relationships. In the neighborhood of my university apartment in the USA I used to watch a fast food shop sign that read: LOVE AT FIRST BITE! Many young people today believe that love is a commodity.

What general advice do you have on how we can improve our relationships?

First, reverse the current of your desire from taking to giving. The more you give to a relationship the more it prospers for you. Second, pay attention to minute details about your partner—like how she is feeling this morning. Attention is the currency of relationships. Last, don't think of relationship in terms of your selfish demands. Relationships cannot be divided. Relationships can only be shared and multiplied.

First, reverse the current of your desire from taking to giving. The more you give to a relationship the more it prospers for you.

Is relationship just about romantic love between two lovers?

Love is the primary reality of our being. Love is the organizing principle that holds together the trillion different cells in our body. Because of love we experience these trillion cells as ONE. This ONE-ness that you call "ME" is our physical experience of love. When we "fall in love" with someone, we experience the same ONE-NESS as "WE" not just at the physical but also at the mental and emotional level. Beyond romantic love, when we recognize this ONE-ESS with the whole of creation, we rise to the spiritual experience of love which is "BE".  So love can be experienced at all the 3 levels - ME, WE and BE - like the many colors of a rainbow.

Being an Asian who spends a fair bit of time in the west, do you see any difference between relationships in the west and the east?

The East or the West are not just geographical expressions. They are different but complementary energy fields. In the East we believe relationships are a sacred mystery. In the West they think relationships are a matter of chemistry. Mystery comes from the spirit. Chemistry is interaction of matter and mind. Chemistry without mystery becomes stale and boring. Only mystery without chemistry becomes abstract and platonic. The two together makes relationships an adventure.